My mother was right… Everyone isn’t your friend
My mother was right about something.
Now, my mother is like a broken clock, meaning she’s seldom right however, I had to call and tell her she was right. I could hear her glowing through the phone. I had to knock her down a peg, she was not right about everything but her judgment of a few people in my life was correct. Now when it comes to career and life… I will pass on the advice but friendships and my love life she has a sixth sense.
My mom has met most of important significant others and friends that lasted any sort of time over 9 months and for the most part she doesn’t hate everyone, but there were a few in my life she has told me NOT THEM.
Not them? Not them? How? That’s my girl or he really loves me. She will shake her head and tell me to watch your back around that one, you will see. Now, I will admit I have this same innate ability when it comes to people I care about. I will get this little voice in my head that warns me that a particular person will harm my friend, but for some reason, this voice is MUTE when it comes to me and my interactions.
I will admit I am too nice and I ignore red flags. My mom always says that I have never met stranger, and given the right day, month, year, moon rising or outing, I will make a friend or find a date. I have learned that people either love or hate me given my strong personality. Since Mercury is in micro braids or whatever they be saying, apparently I was ripe for the B.S. last week.
Back It Up…
Just to give you some background, the first time my mom vetoed someone was in college. She was my roommate and my mom kept saying she had it in for me. Sure enough that girl was jealous of me, she was taking my clothes, and my catch phrases, and we ended up in a shoving match. She was also not a fan of my college boyfriend and felt he was a spoiled rich kid who was holding me back. She was definitely right about that one. There was a coworkers she met that mom called conniving, and she slept with the guy I was dating when I introduced them at a party.
Today we are going to talk about an ex-friend. My mom said the girl had a jealous spirit and that I needed to put her back where you found her. I will begin by saying, I have been doing a lot of work on myself since I left Chicago, discovering my lives and dislikes and not just what would make people in my life happy. I was downward spiraling in 2019, I was over-thinking actions, replaying arguments we had. Letting things go, I should not have let go, just to keep the peace. I was coping and coasting through life with these people. The stress and over accommodating before I left literally cause high blood pressure and made my hair prematurely grey. I accepted that part of myself needed to change, I didn’t need to be agreeable to be liked. If I have to agree with everything are you even really down for me.
In February 2020, newly single and still working out my feelings from my ex, I went to a party that turned out to be eye opening. I was at this club with the girl in question and a mutual friend. I got there late, and they were already a few drinks in. This random guy buys me a drink, he literally picks me up and carries me off. My friends don’t notice I was gone for what felt like forever before I finally got security to get this grown man to put me down. I return to our table and my friends” didn’t even notice I had been missing. They replied, well we had drinks and we figured you would turn up eventually. Later into the evening, a guy I had met at the tequila tales walked in, we exchanged looks and his table of people decided to join my table and we were all hanging out. It was a vibe. Me and the guy are getting to know one another but I take a little breather to the bathroom. When I return out mutual friend is grinding on said gentleman and halfway down his throat. The ex-friend told me well obviously he was more into her so why you mad, and I mean she never gets out and she needs this and you need to chill and be single anyway. This mutual friend moves on to make out with the tequila tales guy, and one of the girls in his party. It was getting a little X-rated so we decided to go hang out in Hyde Park by my house. Mutual friend and the girl hook up in the backseat of tequila tales guy car. Did I mention that one of them had a boyfriend that was with us all night? Said boyfriend gets jealous of all the attention they are receiving and tries to beat both their asses. Cops were called to my apartment. I was over all of the crazy and kicked everybody out. My ex-friend told me I was over reacting to the entire situation. She kept saying our mutual friend had had a rough year, and we needed to grant her grace… Yes she made out with a guy, I had on my arm but that’s wasn’t a reflection on me that was more that guy. I said well, has she ever made out with one of the guys you were talking to, and she responds well of course not she knows better. Looking back at this night, I almost got kidnapped, had a guy taken off my arm and had a fight in my lobby over some people I don’t even know and I was told I was overreacting.
Obviously something needed to change. I don’t need this kind of drama in the relationships in my life. Since I was told I was the problem, I decided to leave. Fastforward, I left Chicago in August of 2020. I spent weeks in bed trying to figure out where I went wrong in my life. In November of 2020, the ex-friend and mutual hook-upper throw a party at the height of the pandemic in Chicago. No masks and tons of kids. I thinking even after the crazy of last February, we were still friends so I yelled. What the hell, you all are being careless! I was told it wasn’t my place to criticize them, and I needed to worry about myself and my poor dating habits! I was told I was in no place to criticize them given my mental health after 2019 and only after I had my shit together could I bring up anything they were doing. I was told I was out of line and called a bitch for “coming after them.”
4-Page Letters and Such
That was the last time I spoke to my “ex-friend.” Last week I reached out to see how she was surviving Covid and I got a 4 page email telling me I am a bitch who only makes mistakes, I was mentally unwell, and I was a failure at life and she hopes only bad things continue to happen to me. That all I do is cross lines and I need to find a place in this world far away from her. I have to admit that letter stung and it hurt to see someone I thought I was close to, think horrible things about me. As I pride myself on being a good person who would always go above and beyond and processing this loss hurts! I am able to see all the progress I have made in the last 6 months, I am not the same person I was when I last saw her, or even last spoke to her. I have new power and understanding that I have gained in my time away I don’t need to carry her emotional baggage or criticisms any longer. I don’t have to interact with that kind of energy, I can opt out or in this case, I don’t have to respond. (I didn’t respond to the letter, I left her wondering if I even read it.) I would usually impulsively react to things like this. I will say I thought about it. She said she blocked me in the letter and I checked. I wasn’t blocked and I thought about sending her the block instructions via email. LOL. That’s what she wants, she wants to justify her evil thoughts about me and my response would just be fuel to her already sour fire, so I will leave her on read. I am choosing a new path, new energy, new boundaries, and will be open to new people coming into my life, and or reconnecting with those who support me. I needed to make space for all the light coming and flowing into my life as of late.
Looking back there were flags, so many flags, and I just refused to see them. We were friends on and off since 2005. She loved to insert herself into whatever I was doing. When me and whoever’s son I was dating, made plans, she was tagging along and inserting herself into my relationship. When we got into a fight, she always sided with the other individual and was quick to point out my mistakes. The second, I was single and was living my best life, she would keep tabs on me and comment on every action. She would be making mental note of every time, I had one too many drinks, a petty argument, every time I failed at something and would wait until I was down to throw it in my face. I am so trusting and so compromising and always thinking of others before myself so honestly if she has a problem with me, she’s the problem.
I hate to say it… but my mother was right! That friend had some a deep seeded issues with me from the beginning and luckily let herself go. I am no longer tethered to her and her many opinions in my Jordan Peele voice. I get it now everyone is not my friend and I need to be more laid back. Because 10 years, and many backstabs later, now I know the truth about how she felt about me, and it’s freeing! I am taking a break from things that no longer serve me. That’s not to say, I won’t still be nice and open but I will be more cautious with making friends. There are new opportunities and new people that are bound to come into my life after removing this kind of negative energy. The universe removed her for a reason and I am here for it. I will trust in the Lord and leave myself open to relationships that actually serve me.
For the first time in my entire life I am living for me! I will protect my energy, my relationships, and no longer invite needless criticism and in turn I am living my best life starting now.